To Whom it May concern,
For the last three nights I have had difficulty getting to sleep. This isn't because of bad dreams, or the temperature, or even my horrible, ghetto neighbors. No it's because of a simple film called The Room . For those of you who don't know The Room is an independent movie written, produced, and directed by one brilliant auteur by the name of Tommy Wiseau. And when I say "brilliant" I mean...well I'm not really sure what I mean because Mr. Wiseau is as much of an enigma as the film. Refusing to name his country of origin, declaring he is only American, Wiseau speaks with an accent reminiscent of Latka from Taxi and one of the Wild and Crazy Guys from Saturday Night Live. In The Room, Tommy portrays Johnny, a loving boyfriend to Lisa, his fian...finan....feans...future wife. Unfortunately Lisa does not reciprocate Johnny's feelings, choosing rather to start a torrid affair with Johnny's best friend Mark. And when I say "torrid" I mean elbowy and almost motionless. Download | Duration: 00:01:05
With the return of arguably the best show on television I thought I would share my thoughts about it. Instead of boring you with a long and tedious blog about how awesome the show is I randomly recorded myself watching an episode and thought I would share my reaction.Download | Duration: 00:00:23
A letter released by the National Archives of Scotland from Iverness County Police Chief Constable William Fraser in August 1938 shows police believed the only step they could usefully take to protect "Nessie" from hunters was to tell people that the monster's preservation was "desirable." Which coincidentally the same line I used the time I was mugged in a 7-11 parking lot. You'd be surprised how well that line works.
Fraser went on to say that a certain Peter Kent and Miss Marion Stirling of London were determined to catch the monster, and that Kent had told local police he was having a special harpoon gun made to hunt the monster down which was his first mistake. You never tell the police about the special weapons you're making and what you are making them for.
"That there is some strange creature in Loch Ness seems now beyond doubt, but that the police have any power to protect it is very doubtful," Fraser wrote in his letter to the Under Secretary of State, Scottish Office. The Under Secretary replied in a letter, "Dear Sir, How many times do I have to tell you that I'm the guy who killed all those hookers in White Chapel 40 years ago? Don't you care? Stop me or I'll kill again!"
Fraser said he had had Kent warned of the desirability of having the creature left alone.
"...but whether my warning will have the desired affect or not remains to be seen," he added.
It apparently did since Nessie is still alive and well, kicking up mud in the face of submersibles and chomping on the occasional swimmer. But not to worry, she only dines on Scotsmen.
Slashers from the 80s need three things: tits, blood, and camp, which is why My Bloody Stripper Dearest would be the best movie ever. Since that movie doesn't actually exist I recommend checking out House on Sorority Row . The set up is simple: it's the end of college for a group of catty sorority girls but their fun keeps getting kiboshed by their cunty house mother. When the girls decide to pull a prank on their casa madre things go horribly awry when they accidentally kill her. Or do they?! When the girls start getting picked off one by one with the heavy, pointy cane that the house mother always used they begin to believe that she didn't actually die and is now like super pissed. 



Our kindred spirits over at Zombies Don't Run had good intentions, however they were just a little overzealous and hopeful. Obviously they are just as excited about the prospect of Cloverfield 2 as I am since they seem to be seeing clues where there are none. Posting the headline "Cloverfield 2 Teaser Poster?" originally made the hair on the back of my neck stand up and the tip of my wang tingle ever so slightly. That was until I opened the webpage to see the picture to the left. Unfortunately this isn't an image of N ew York City trying to rebuild after the devestating attack by Cloverfield Palin (full name), it's some boring History Channel documentary about how boring statues can be or some such nonsense.




Archer, the little, bitchy, animated, spy-comedy that could, has been renewed for a second season. One of the creators of the show, Adam Reed, responded to the news:
According to our good friends over at Gawker Jay Leno is pulling out all the stops to take the focus off people hating him and put it where he thinks it belongs: on his guests. On his second show back from his long-winter's nap the scheduled guests are Olympic snowboarder and righteous dude (I hope I said that right) Shaun White and our future overlord Sarah Palin. It seems like a strange panel but actually they're both used to frigid temperatures, both have ridden someone or something into fame, and they both appear to be raging idiots.
Tina Fey is coming to host Saturday Night Live in April, which will most likely coincide with the release of her new movie Date Night with Steve Carrell. Well fans are already buzzing about her reprising her Sarah Palin impersonation for the show, but no confirmation as of yet. Officials at SNL won't comment on this possibility since skits and scripts are likely to change up until show time, but it would be ree-donkulous is they didn't take this opportunity to recapture that golden age when Tina Fey was the most famous woman in the world. "It's inevitable that we'll try it, at least," Fey said in an interview Tuesday. "We'll see if it makes it to air." You bet your ass you'll give it a try, Tina. Also we can't wait to see what pisses Palin off about the show and how she'll use it for political posturing afterward. Good times!
Pop documentarian Morgan Spurlock and pop-culture icon Joss Whedon are joining geek forces to create a documentary about San Diego Comic-Con this summer. EW.com is reporting that the two are currently in pre-production to find a select group of visitors to the event and plan to document their excitement three months before their trek to the holy land leading up to their attendance at the four day event. It's been reported that the duo are looking high and low for ideal subjects so I recommend you don your homemade Ironman costume and brush up on your Klingon for your audition tape.
If Sex and the City on-demand and near-daily airings of All About Steve aren't enough to get you to pay for HBO then check this out. This Friday the network will begin airing four new series' from some of the greatest comedic talent working today. First off is Funny or Die Presents, a new half hour series that compiles clips from the comedy video website that Adam McKay and Will Ferrell co-created in 2007. Funny or Die Presents is another step along the road to the fusion of Internet video and television video which has Network Executives crapping their dockers on casual Fridays. When the series was announced, Ferrell sarcastically asserted the deal was "the missing link moment where TV and Internet finally merge."
The show is introduced by a 1950s-style TV host who notes: "Funny or Die is at the forefront of computer technology, leading the way in computer comedy programming. Tonight marks a departure from our usual business model as we join the ever-declining world of broadcast television." Co-creator Adam McKay, best known as the director of comedies such as Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy and the I-can-kind-of-see-what-you-were-going-for Step Brothers," says that joke is "70 percent true and 30 percent joking." This makes him not only a comedy genius but a math genius as well.
In addition to this repurposing of web video material there is also the highly-anticipated repurposing of podcast material when he Ricky Gervais podcast gets animated for HBOs new series The Ricky Gervais Show. Gervais was inspired to make the show by fan-created images when he realized that recreating the podcast antics with cohosts Stephen Merchant and Karl Pilkerton would be boring and time consuming for everybody involved.
"Because Karl goes off on these flights of fancy, these fantastical stories where he personifies chimpanzees, it lends itself so well [to animation]," says Gervais, who calls the product "re-al-imation." "The worst thing would be if the cartoon made it worse — and I think not only does it not do that, but it brings it to life."
Gervais, who describes his cartoon self as a cross between Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble, wanted his show to look "warm and retro," partly to soften Pilkington's bizarre takes on such hot topic subjects as race, disability and the Holocaust. Pilkington's childlike nature helps, too.
In addition to these new shows Real Time with Bill Maher returns for an eighth season and The Life and Times of Tim is coming back for round two. So call your local cable company and add HBO to your lineup if you don't want to miss these soon-to-be classics. Or just download them illegally later. Yea, do that instead.
At this point I'm just looking for excuses to post more pictures of Joe Manganiello, but this is actually a good one. The stud hasn't even appeared as Alcide Herveaux on True Blood yet and he already has a new job. Manganiello has been cast in a new sitcom from the creators of How I Met Your Mother (on which Manganiello has a recurring role) entitled Livin' on a Prayer. Considering the apostrophe and religious conotation I originally thought this show was going to be about Sarah Palin's 2012 Presidential aspirations but as it turns out the show is basically How I Met Your Mother or Friends set in Philadelphia. Manganiello will play a former high school football star whose hopes and dreams were dashed when he got saddled with a wife and a few annoying children, all of whom have yet to be cast. The show will debut this fall after the world falls head over feet in love with Joe Manganiello on True Blood so despite the shaky premise it may actually stand a chance.